How Do I Talk to My Loved One About Their Addiction?

Seeing a loved one struggling with addiction is heartbreaking. You are dealing with the pain of seeing someone you care about going through this suffering, as well as the feelings of helplessness and uncertainty.

It can feel like an impossible situation—how do you approach and tell them that their behavior is concerning? The good news is that although it takes courage and careful thought, it's possible to have a productive conversation about addiction in hopes of positive results.

In this blog post, we'll detail why having this conversation matters and what tips you should keep in mind when approaching the subject.

Recognizing When It's Time To Talk

Addiction can be difficult to spot, especially in the early stages. That's especially true for those who suffer from it in silence and secrecy.

According to the Addiction Center, nearly 21 million people in the U.S. suffer from at least one addiction. Roughly 12 million adults have alcohol abuse disorder, 2.1 million are addicted to opioids, 0.3% abuse heroin, 5 million use cocaine, and 964,000 are dependent on meth.

Sadly, only less than 10% in each category receive treatment. Worse, deaths from drug overdoses and alcohol-related diseases have steadily risen in the past decade.

On this note, recognizing the signs and symptoms of addiction is key. It's an illness that doesn't discriminate. It can affect anyone regardless of gender, salary, race, or religion. Thus, the earlier a person suffering gets help, the better.

Spotting the signs of addiction in your loved one can help you open the conversation before it worsens. The following are some common signs to look out for:

Frequently using drugs or alcohol
Neglected responsibilities due to substance use
Social withdrawal and isolation from friends and family
Secretive or suspicious behavior
Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, and mood
Dilated pupils, slurred speech, impaired coordination, and body odor
Weight loss
Irritability, agitation, and instability
Engaging in risky behavior while under the influence

The three C's of addiction are also among the tell-tale signs to look out for:

Control—Loss of authority over drinking or drug use
Craving—Having a strong, compulsive desire or urge to use drugs, even when it's not necessary
Continued Use—Continuing to exploit drugs or alcohol despite serious negative consequences

Remember that symptoms vary from person to person. Others show signs of physical dependence, while some don't display any visible ones. Nonetheless, if you suspect or observe any of these manifestations, it's time to have a serious talk with your loved one.

Create A Plan For The Conversation

Having a productive conversation with your loved one is possible. However, it's important to have a plan to ensure the best results. Doing so will help you keep the dialogue on track and show your loved one that your intentions are genuine.

But before anything else, set aside time for yourself. Accept and acknowledge the reality of the situation. Then, process your emotions and take a few moments to collect your thoughts. This way, you can approach the talk with a clear mind and positive perspective.

Afterward, begin preparing for the conversation. Have a list of topics and questions to ensure you get the information you need and productively direct the chat. Here are some other matters to consider:

Timing

Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and in a comfortable place. Make sure they aren't under the influence at the time to ensure a productive dialogue. If you know it will help, you can talk somewhere away from home, like a quiet park or cafe. That way, it will be easier to focus on the conversation without distractions.

Tone and Language

Be mindful of the language you use during the talk. It's best to avoid words such as "addict," as it could cause your loved one to feel defensive. Also, avoid using accusatory language. Your loved one should feel like you're coming from a place of genuine concern, not criticism.

A Communication Method That Works for Them

Some people are more comfortable sharing their feelings through writing or talking it out. Ask them how they'd like to go about it, and follow their lead. If they're comfortable talking, create a safe and non-threatening environment that allows them to open up without fear of judgment.

If they prefer writing, you can encourage them to keep a journal or draw out their feelings. Great messages sometimes get lost due to the wrong delivery. Therefore, use the method that best works for them.

Compassion

Approaching your loved one with compassion and understanding will go a long way. Avoid being overly judgmental or accusatory. Instead, focus on your concerns and how their behavior affects you and those around them.

Potential Resistance

Your loved one may not be receptive to your concerns. In fact, they may be defensive. If that's the case, it's important to stay on track and not get sidetracked by arguments. Remember that addiction is an illness, and accepting help can be difficult. So prepare yourself for this possibility but don't give up.

Professional Help

Help is essential for overcoming addiction. Thus, prepare all the resources and professional assistance you can for your loved one. Outline treatment plans and programs or schedule an appointment with a substance abuse specialist. You can also find rehabilitation centers and support groups near you.

If your loved one hesitates, remind them how having professional guidance will benefit them. You can also offer to accompany them to the appointment to show that you're willing to go the extra mile to help them get through this.

The conversation will be challenging, but it's necessary. And if you ever find yourself doubting or losing hope, remember that having an open dialogue is the first step to helping your loved one get the help they need.

Conversation Guidelines

After planning, it's time to talk. Here are some do's and don'ts that may help guide the conversation and keep you on track.

Don't: Turn the talk into an argument and discuss their past mistakes. Avoid saying things like:

"I can't believe you've done this again."
"You're making me look bad."
"You only care about yourself."

Do: Remain calm and approach the conversation from a place of love and concern. Keep it focused on the present and not dwell on the past. Remember that it's not about assigning blame but providing support and solutions. These phrases might help:

"I care about you and wanted to talk about how I can help."
"I'm here for you and want to do whatever it takes to get you the help you need."
"I'm worried about how this could affect your health and well-being."

Don't: Beat around the bush, be vague or give ultimatums. It can make your loved one feel like they're being attacked instead of assisted. Steer clear from phrases like:

"We need to change something."
"Things have to be different."
"You must stop this, or else..."

Do: Speak directly and honestly. Explain why you're concerned for your loved one's well-being and provide resources that can help. Spell out what you think they should do without making it sound like a demand. These might help:

"I'm concerned about your drinking habits since you've been missing a lot of work recently."
"I've looked into some resources I think could help you. Would you like to talk about them?"
"You must get help. I'm here to support you in any way I can."

Don't: Be overly confrontational or accusatory. Stay composed and remain understanding even if your loved one is uncooperative or defensive. Phrases like:

"You have to stop."
"It's all your fault."
"You're destroying our marriage."

Do: Focus on providing solutions and ways that you can help. Acknowledge the difficulty of addiction, show empathy, and express your commitment to helping them in any way you can. Use a respectful tone and consider using phrases like:

"I know it's not easy, but I'm here for you if you need help."
"I understand this must be hard, but I'm available whenever you are ready to talk."
"I'm committed to helping you get through this, and I'll do whatever I can."

Don't: Put all responsibility on your loved one's shoulders. Addiction is a complex issue, and it's crucial to recognize that it'll take time and support. Don't pressure them or promise more than you can deliver. They are fighting an internal storm; sometimes, they need someone to be there despite not having all the answers. Avoid phrases like:

"You can just quit anytime."
"It's up to you to fix this."
"Just stop it, and you'll be fine."

Do: Include yourself in their battle. Offer solutions, provide support, and make plans together. Doing so will give them a sense of agency and make them feel like they're not going through this alone. You can try saying:

"Let's work on this together and make a plan that encompasses all aspects of your life."
"What do you think would be the best way to start tackling this issue?"
"I'll be here every step of the way. We can go through this together."

Don't: Disregard what your loved one tells you. If you ask your loved one questions and they answer, don't cut them off or dismiss them. Doing this can invalidate their feelings and make them feel like you don't care about their opinion or experiences. Keep phrases like these out of the conversation:

"That's not important."
"That doesn't matter."
"You don't know what you're talking about."

Do: Listen and reflect. Give your loved one time to talk and understand where they're coming from. Validate their feelings and let them know you care about their experiences. Doing this will strengthen your relationship and give them a sense of safety and trust. You can try saying:

"I'm listening. Please tell me more about what you're feeling."
"I'm here for you and want to talk about anything on your mind."

Remember, no two conversations about addiction are the same. Some might be difficult, while others may go smoothly. Sometimes, you need to have the dialogue ten times before finally seeing progress. Or, if the odds are in your favor, they may be open to having the conversation the first time around.

But, no matter what happens, reframe your words and stay mindful of your communication style. You don't want to lose the opportunity to help your loved one just because you accidentally called them an "addict" or shouted at them for their behavior.

Lead the conversation with the results in mind and approach everything with love. And if you can, get help from a professional to give your loved one the best chance of recovery.

Remember to Practice Self-Care

Even a co-pilot needs a good night's rest before taking off. The same goes for providing support to someone who is battling addiction. You need to be in the best mental and emotional state to be able to help.

Consider the following ways to help you rest, recharge, and take care of yourself:

Take regular breaks from the situation and do something that makes you happy. Doing so will clear your head and give you a fresh perspective.
Talk to friends and family who can understand the situation and provide advice on how to deal with it. Seeking outside help can give you a sense of clarity and a new way to approach the problem.
Know your limits, learn when to take a step back, and give yourself some space. Feel free to ask for help or contact the right people if you need a break or counseling.
Involve professional help and support. Addiction counselors, therapy sessions, and support groups will also help you understand your loved one's condition and arm you with the right tools to provide much-needed support. Groups like the following are an excellent place to start:

NA-Anon Family Groups
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
SMART Recovery Family & Friends
AL-Anon Family Groups
Families Anonymous

Above all, take care of yourself and ensure your mental health is good. As a supporter, you are an integral part of the recovery process. Still, it's important to remember that you should never risk your well-being. As the saying goes, "Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

Making a Difference

Helping a loved one struggling with addiction can be a challenging and emotional journey. However, following the tips mentioned above can make a positive difference.

If you need extra resources in your area to help with the delicate journey ahead, contact our specialists at Jackson House Recovery Centers. We are experienced in addiction recovery and can offer you guidance and support to help your loved one get back on track.

27 Mar 2023

Sobriety